Do you have a goal weight? If so, how did you determine what the number on the scale should be? Is it the number you weighed in high school? When you got married? Is it what it says on the BMI chart? Is it what your doctor suggested?

I would argue that none these are good methods to determine a goal weight. In fact, I think that if you have a significant amount of weight to lose, that your goal weight should not be a number at all. Your goal should be a state of being, which will end up having a corresponding weight range on the scale, but a pre-determined number itself, I would suggest, should not be the goal.

Let’s dive into this a little bit. It is not really reasonable to set as a goal, for example, your weight in high school. (Unless you are 19, which I am going to assume you are not). Why would we want to use a previous version of ourselves as a target? — we weren’t fully adult, we may have had babies since then, not to mention hormonal changes, and perhaps we also had other health changes. And we are older! Let’s honor all we have experienced, and who we are today, and not reminisce to some perceived body glory days. Let’s be in the present, and look toward the future.

A number on some BMI chart may not work either. If you, like me, have a decent amount you want to lose, then let’s be real. There is likely be more than a few pounds of loose skin we have to take into consideration. This will add pounds to the scale, and I don’t think we can compare our resized bodies to an ideal number on a chart referencing a body that has not had to lose weight. This isn’t to say we may not end up this range, but I would say it’s just hard to say, so probably not a good milepost to use. Again, we need to be present for the body we have today, and what it is likely to be in the future.

Beyond all of that, and really, most importantly, there is really no way to predict how your body is going to be, how you are going to feel, and what exactly will be required to maintain your body at any certain weight until you get there. Yes, you may be able to get some rough estimates, but nothing will truly tell you until you experience it.

Instead of a number on a scale, we might consider making our goal weight a decision we make as we go along, and when we find ourselves at the place that feels like the right place. How will we know when it’s the right place? (And no, I admit, I am not there yet. But, here are the guidelines I intend to use when I feel I am getter close to that point.)

I will continue to only do what is sustainable in regards to movement and food. Meaning that it will need to feel doable to me everyday in terms of how much and what type of food my body needs, and the type of diet. I will be realistic. I will not eat only salads and 1100 calories a day. If that means I don’t get quite in the normal BMI range, then so be it. But, I will aim to eat as healthy as I can.

I will only do what feels good in my body in terms of movement and exercise. If it requires two hours a day of exercise to maintain the weight, then it is not the right weight for me. I will not overstress my body, but seek to give it the exercise it wants without overdoing it.

I will see how I feel when I look in the mirror, and how I feel in my clothes, and how it feels to move around in the world.

I will check in with myself mentally to see if I am in a good place, that I am able to manage stress and life, and have time and resources for what is important to me where weight doesn’t hold more space than I want it to over my other priorities.

If we set a goal of some number, I believe we could find ourselves tied to a vision that doesn’t really serve us. A number is not reflective of us living our best lives or our working toward our optimal wellbeing. If we set a goal that is too low, or too high, for any number of reasons we are setting ourselves up for disappointment and conflating our goal of a healthy life and body with the number on the scale. The number doesn’t know how to determine where that happy spot is for us. Only we know how to do that. And we can only do that by staying in tune with our mind, body and spirit, and let that guide us to our sweet spot.